Dear Sir...

Dear Andrew Attias

I am writing to you to complain about a large number of book characters that I believe are in your charge and for whom I hold you fully responsible for their actions. It seems that you are writing your sequel far too slowly and they are therefore spending a lot of time frequenting my inn. As a result, we are rapidly running out of chocolate milkshake!

Your characters seem to do a lot of arguing, especially regarding something called a TASSOC device. I don’t know what that is but I will not have Tassocs discussed aloud on my premises. It seems to upset my other customers. While I appreciate the efforts of one Princess Serena to moderate their language and behaviour, I am afraid that they are getting a little out of hand, although at least the violence is restricted to a single Ogre who keeps hitting himself for no apparent reason.

I would respectively request that you take control of these deviants with utmost urgency before my regular clients decide to take their patronage elsewhere.

Yours sincerely

The Innkeeper
The Rat’s Entrails Inn
Dungloon

P.S. There is an unpaid bill that currently stands at 5 gold pieces. Perhaps you could settle this at your earliest convenience?